Being Intentional in Your Parenting

In the previous blog post, I shared some thoughts on partnering with God in your parenting. In this post, I’ll continue those thoughts and reflect on how we can be more intentional as we raise godly kids.

The Proper Order of Priorities 

We have always been firm about our priorities in life and marriage. We keep it very simple: 1) God; 2) Us (Orpha and I); 3) Our kids. In that order. So many families, including parents, are messed up because people have gotten those priorities mixed up.

The concept of “training up a child” means much more than giving rules, bedtimes, and a roof over your kids’ heads. Raising kids is an all-in commitment, making us do things we would never consider without them. 

Training your children in the ways of the Lord can be a blessing for you and them. Because Paige was sensitive to the leading of the Lord, we made the move to Idaho. However, the move has also blessed both Orpha and me. Supporting your kids is not just part of training your kids to help them not depart from the Lord. They are more likely not to depart from you, either. 

Supporting your kids might require sacrifice, but it will always be a blessing. This move to Boise is a little bit of a delicate thing for us. We’re not telling David we’re sacrificing because we don’t want him to carry a burden that is ours and not his. But wow, it has been a hard move.  

However, God gave us a home where we get up in the morning, sit outside, drink coffee, and watch the river. We are so happy here, and supporting David is worth it. And if we’re honest, it’s best for us also. We are closer to our church community, closer to my and Dave’s appointments, which are required several times per week, and closer to the things we need to do daily.        

Are You Provoking Your Kids?

Dads, let’s get real. We know a lot of ways to provoke our kids because we’ve all been emotionally provoked by our fathers. Most men can recall a time when their father did not listen to their side of a story and cut off a discussion. Some guys have different interests and skill sets from their dad, and he just didn’t get it.

Other dads grew up without their fathers and have conflicted feelings about being a dad. Men also grow up with dads who are physically around but a million miles away, with their minds on work, hobbies, drugs, or the TV.

Most guys come pre-wired to find some way of provoking their children. If you think about a house, men’s brains are like a long hallway connected to individual rooms. Men can close a door, lock it, and never even peek into the room again. We might even forget what’s in that room! Because we can close doors, it’s easy for us to live like our kids have the same door shut with the same bad stuff behind those doors. 

One way we can keep from provoking our kids is to be intentional in how we spend time with them—making time for them forces us to look at our kids and what is going on in their lives, to open doors that might be closed off in our own minds. 

Being intentional does not have to be complicated. Make simple plans that put your kids at the center of your time and attention. You can: 

·         Go to ball games

·         Volunteer to be part of scouting, youth group, or school activities

·         Go shopping, and look at stuff that brings a smile to your kid’s face

·         Do something outside together, like walking, hiking, boating, or shooting targets

·         Read books together and enjoy stories

One last thought about feeling provoked. Do you recall ever doing things to get your parents to pay attention to you? Were you the jokester, storyteller, information sharer, TV remote hider, or loud one?

Our kids want our attention and need it. If you feel provoked, do a gut check. Is your kid saying, “Hey, Dad, I need some of your time?” If so, get intentional with something they like to do, and make a great life together!

We are certainly not the world’s biggest experts on parenting. However, we have done our best to honor the Lord with our parenting by following a few simple principles. You can do the same. When you do, just watch how the Lord works in your family!